Alumni Homecoming

I attended last Saturday, October 14, the annual alumni homecoming of Manila Science High School. I was ecstatic a few months back, expecting that it is really a big event wherein I get to see fellow alumni (who I pictured to be nerdies hahaha!). I was constantly in contact with a batchmate since I did not want to go there alone and feel alienated. Though he came late, i saw 4 batchmates who also came early.

I was so disappointed to see a very dry opening ceremony that didn't even fill the small auditorium. There were old teachers and representatives from the very first batch up to the latest batch of graduates. It just didn't live up to my expectations (or perhaps we just came early and I didn't catch the livelier part of the programme?). I told my friends that should the Batch 90 handle it, there will be parties, lots of food and overflowing drinks!

That event made me compare my dear UP against my beloved DLSU. Though with the former, brains is not a question but with the latter, it was where I got to appreciate great planning and organization with lots and lots of connection. The homecoming could have been better if right people were tapped. I knew many Mascians who work in big companies and that their sponsorship would be a very very big help. It is just knowing who and how to connect.

Oh well, one thing for sure, Batch 90's will surely make it bigger and better! :)

Friday the 13Th

Friday the 13th has been the dreaded day wherein most oldies would usually tell not to go out as something bad might happen to you. They used to say that this day brings bad luck especially for non-believers. I would say otherwise. October 13, 2006, which incidentally fell on a Friday was a good day for me, let me tell you why...

For almost 2 years, our table tournaments were scheduled on Fridays. The registration starts at 8pm and the actual derbies were usually from 10pm-12mn. There were a few times that they lasted until 2am. Meaning, for almost two years, my duty schedule on Fridays was 4pm-12mn. I had no social life on this day. My dates (and gimmicks) were on Thursdays which I wasn't happy about since good bands and great happenings fall on Fridays.

Last Friday, we had no tournament since it has been moved to Tuesdays (twice a month). I have been looking forward for this day since the start of the week. Plans have been running around in my mind. For a couple of days, I have been contemplating whether to dine out, watch a movie (or concert) or have a few drinks in a bar. The night before, my kid J had a fever due to cough and colds. I felt saddened for a while thinking that my big day would end with me nursing my sick child. Luckily, she got better in the morning and even went to school. I then felt relieved and excited as time approaches.

It was also the day of Oktoberfest in most places. Our company even sponsored that of Blue Wave's. And another branch is having an event of their own. If only Honey A wasn't around, I would see myself hopping from one place to another.

I chose Tavern on the Square (as usual). We arrived at exactly 9pm only to find out that there were only few tables left. It was really a Friday. Fat Session Band was scheduled that night and I enjoyed seeing Honey A laughing his heart out as the singers bolted jokes in between their songs. We finished 3 sets (with 4 glasses of vodka currant and 1 San Mig light) that night. I remembered telling Honey A that I would never leave unless I get to dance on my feet. And that only happened on the 3rd set.

I love Fridays. And it really will not matter if its a 13th or not as long as my schedule permits me to go out:)

The Family Woman

I'm a big fan of families. I love having a complete one, where there is a mother, a father and kid/s. I admire those who have kept theirs through thick and thin. I came from a religious family. Although my mom married late (in her late 30's) and my dad was a notorious womanizer before they met, up until this moment they are still together and thank heavens, I didn't have half-siblings.

I still couldn't comprehend why my married life ended too soon. I was willing to give up a career to keep my own family intact when my ex-husband left for the US 8 years ago. It was a mutual decision for my kid and I to be left behind. It wasn't in my wildest dreams that I would never see him again. Though on the last moment our eyes locked, there was an eerie feeling that THAT would be the end of everything.

Deep in my heart i knew that I was a submissive kind of woman. I may have a strong personality, only if one lets me be. I value relationships, respect and space. Money was out of the picture, as what many many couples fight about. I just needed someone, my very own someone, to be with me to get through life.

I wallow myself in pity most of the time, especially when I come home to an empty house. I know that my kid is just around, but most of the time i find it hard to cope through things alone. This is the kind of occasion where I remember the happier times I was with my ex-husband (The melancholy! My tears are starting to fall!) I never felt alone, not even a single minute in that fruitful 3 1/2 years of my life. There were laughters and I see colors in everything. I just wish every single day that I get to feel the moments all over again.

I'm already 33, with a 9 year old kid to raise, a career to attend to, and a failing reproductive system. Nevertheless I still have faith. I know that someday I will have the wholeness of a family I have always dreamed of.

The Day That Was

It was September 28, 2006, Thursday. I was scheduled that day to attend the pilot run of the Customer Service module at our Corporate Office. I was the representative of our branch to evaluate the topics. It’s very seldom that I absent myself from work, hence, that morning, no amount of weather could prevent me from going to the office.

That day started at 7am for me. Classes in school have been suspended the night before hence I was somewhat settled that my Kid J would wake up late. As I boarded my car, I noticed that the Caimito tree across our house was swaying wildly. What bothered me most was that the tree beside my garage was bending toward our end. I had the gut feeling that the car was in perilous situation. Amidst the plea of my kid for me to stay at home, I nevertheless hit the road. When I reached Coastal Road, it was then that I realized how dangerous this typhoon was. Even with my closed windows, I could hear the roaring wind as if threatening to throw out any moving vehicle that time. My speed was 50kph and there was no way I could go faster since I could feel a strong force behind the steering wheel. All I could think of was to pray – one Our Father, one Hail Mary, one Glory Be and one I Believe in God. I knew that it wasn’t the end of the world, but deep inside, I had to invoke the higher up because I knew that somewhere, there would be people that were going to be hurt.

As I reached the intersection at the end of the Coastal Road, I chose to take Macapagal Ave. route instead of the Baclaran area. I felt safer on a free-way than on a busy street swarmed with billboards and old edifices. True enough, later that day I found out that a billboard fell over a Honda CRV and my co-worker's car was hit by a flying roof, at the Baclaran area.

As I settled my car on our covered garage at the office, I could see across parked cars shaking. It was a furious wind out there. Instead of feeling relieved as I entered our building, I found out that there was no Globe signal inside! Only Smart is functioning. That somewhat made me panicked. It was just like isolating me from the outside world. I then remembered how this Smart people made me wait for a month for my choice of mobile unit. I also thought of my kid, my parents and most especially Honey A who I know was calling and texting me that that time. He didn’t want me to leave the house that morning due to impending trouble ahead and yet, I still went on despite of all. Luckily our landline was okay and it was where Honey A contacted me. It was also he who checked my kid J from time to time. I went through my office work as usual although the Customer Service Seminar was postponed.

By 6pm, Honey A fetched me and I left my car safe in our office’s parking space. It was total darkness on the road. All you can see were the lights coming from the moving vehicles. Though I didn’t feel terrified or something to that effect. I knew that my family was okay and we have ample supply of food and water that could last for a couple of days.

It was just few hours of Milenyo hitting the Metropolis and yet there were so much destruction and some lives taken. The following day has been usual for me sans electricity and water. I just had to live with what nature has brought. I have witnessed enough tragedies in my life, I can only surmise that these are God’s work, His way of getting our attention. People have been proud. Many have forgotten that all things are gifts from Him who has power over us. It is He who gives, it is only He who can take. There should actually be no fear, if only we learn to believe.

After The Storm

There's an old adage that there will always be sunshine after the storm. I very much would like to write about typhoon Milenyo and how it affected specifically my life, but then I will be saving it for some other day when I have recollected all my thoughts.

Just like life, when you hit the bottom, there is no way but to go up. One of our Assistant Branch Managers said that the typhoon was just one way of reminding us that there is still somebody up there greater than us who could take away everything in just an instant. I think that Filipinos have seen the worst: martial law, coup 'd etat, earthquake, volcanic eruptions and typhoons. And yet we never learn. How much blow do we need to take inorder to grow?

A Hopeful Artist In Me

On our way home last Thursday from Makati, Honey A and I stopped by at Shell Station in Macapagal Ave. for a gas filling up. Luckily, there was a cut-off for some meter reading as soon as we parked the car. It was the time I chanced to see Ms. Irma Adlawan and her equally talented husband, Mr. Dennis Marasigan lining up after us.

More than 12 years ago, when I was working at Cultural Center of the Philippines as Usherette, I always see Ms. Irma and her fine acting under Tangahalang Pilipino (TP). I knew Dennis way back in 1987 when I enrolled at TP's Children's Acting Workshop. He was one of our speakers specializing on Stage and Lighting Design. It was only in the early 90's that I discovered that the two are a couple.

I admire Ms. Irma for transcending beauty and age. She doesn't possess the usual showbiz glamour face yet she can outshine anybody on stage and on screen. Moreover, she's already in her early 40's (i think), but lately I read good reviews on the sexy but challenging role she had in a movie (Pusang Gala). This woman really has a talent. What I admire more is how these two artists manage their work and relationship. Dennis was once asked if he meddles with the script (or Irma's decision) in case his beloved wife gets obscene roles. And he said that, they are both artists, and role playing is Irma's job. Wow!

That night also brought me to the not so distant past when I was in the crossroad of choosing a career in stage acting and choosing a "regular" life. I knew that I had the flair for it since I already had my short stint in CCP and 2 television guestings at a very early age. "Batibot" should have been my breakthrough when I was in grade school but it was my Dad who discouraged me and drove me to concentrate on my studies. I was also contemplating to enroll in the Philippine High School for The Arts in Los Banos, Laguna, majoring in acting but it was also my Dad who didn't even give me the chance to take the entrance exam. The only thing he approved of, was for me to work as an Usherette as a part time job when I was in 3rd year college so that I could still be exposed to the Arts. My Dad was right after-all. I graduated with honors in a science school, studied in a premier state university and currently living a "regular" life. I miss acting though. I miss the lights, the scripts, the emotions, the "break a leg" thing, and most of all, the applauses. I think that I still can pull some acting and my life experiences made me a lot better than before... Sigh!

Meeting With Fellow Alumni

It has been more almost 3 months since I got to meet the working group behind the Manila Science High School Alumni Foundation. I cannot comprehend until now why they call meetings on weekdays and after regular office hours. Weekends and night time are perfect for busy professionals and parents. Oh well.

Currently, the foundation would like to focus on fund-raising activities since their coffer is nearly running dry. It shouldn't have happened if they only plan ahead of time. Planning should be done annually and there should be a time table for everything. Just like in any organization, or even life itself, you should know how to foresee and be ready for the inevitable. Although I fully take into consideration that the foundation is a voluntary job and not a source of living. I think what they currently need are hot-blooded, agressive young people to carry on risk-taking tasks. I am not referring to myself though. I know a handful from my batchmates who have the time and energy to bring it on.

My love for my alma mater pushed me to volunteer to be a part of the fund-raising committee. I think that my little knowledge in handling events would be a great help for the foundation.

Dead or Alive (DOA)

My kid J has been on "vacation" since last Wednesday since their teachers are on retreat. Meaning, it's a night-out for me too since I can afford to stay late and wake up late hehehe.

Last night, Honey A and I went to Greenbelt 3 (that's the only place I'm comfortable with next to Powerplant Mall). I chose to watch a movie and it was only DOA (Dead Or Alive) which I think we would both appreciate. Since we came an hour earlier, we had to grab some food first in the nearby fastfood Wrapwich. My last meal (which was a cup of oatmeal) was at 4pm and I felt famished.

Dead or Alive is a fast-faced action/adventure movie. I enjoyed most the curves of the women. Just like Lara Croft, her sexiness added oomph to the moves. I have read that DOA is actually a video game. No wonder, the choreography was done in a different taste. Though over-all, it was much worthy of seeing it than any Tagalog movie hehehe.

My Dear Friend, Grace

I received a call from a very dear high school friend this evening. She is currently in Ilocos managing a restaurant business with her husband. She is a nurse by profession but chose to settle down in the province to raise a family.

I have known Grace since our 1st year in high school. She was my closest friend back then. I could vividly remember her White Linen (by Estee Lauder) perfume and Lavender cologne. There were numerous times I visited their place in Sta. Mesa and her whole family knew me. I have known Grace to be a very reserved yet funny person. Suddenly I missed her. Looking back then, I didn't know what happened why we grew apart. We didn't have any misunderstanding yet after the summer break of 1987, we had our own set of friends to tend to. We still greeted each other though all through our secondary years, but the closeness somewhat diminished. Now that we got to talk to each other again, the only right thing to do is pick up the pieces where we left of. Thanks to our batchmate who works in Ilocos since he was the one who gave my number to my dear friend.

Globe for Good

My home network delivered my new Nokia N73 yesterday at the office. It was only last Thursday that I got to call them and ask for a loyalty reward and here it is after 5 days, my very new camera phone, which I am still in the process of familiarizing. The funny thing is that the leading mobile network even had the guts to call me and ask if I was already given a unit by their competitor! The nerve! How could they afford to follow up after letting me wait for a month! Currently, I have two lines with my beloved network. And after showing their promptness and thoughtfulness (since they even called me a day before the delivery to confirm my choice of unit), I guess I have to stay with them forever. And that's what you call real LOYALTY! :)

Vocabulary 101

Cinderella Relationship - where everything has to end at midnight, however good it may be. It comes with a promise that tomorrow will be another day to start anew.

This is coined especially to my Cinderella Man, the modern day god who has the world in his hand but has to come home at the end of the day. The fairy tale version ends with a happy ending. Mine ends with just HOPES.

Days of Quandary

Lately I have been clouded by qualms regarding my personal intimate relationship. First of all, i have noticed that temptations from the workplace has risen now that I have gained few pounds and few inches. It seemed that the opposite sex found the excess curves more attractive. I never thought that the additional weight would translate to marketability. Secondly, it has becoming clear that my relationship with my current partner has already reached its highest peak. Meaning, it could no longer be taken into a higher level. Don't get me wrong. Honey A has far been the perfect man for me. I think that no other guy could be fitter than him. He satisfies me sexually and materially. In my 33 years of existence and after thorough soul-searching, he is the man who matches my over-all personality. As they say in Black Jack, I can already "stay" than ask for another card.

But then, it seemed that it is a dead-end for both of us. Sometimes in a relationship, you expect "more", where you can "really" be together. I have so much love for Honey A but our current situation hold me back more and more. It has been years, yet it has been only once that I got to "really" be with him. We haven't had vacations even just outside the city and I have a strong feeling that that's the way it's going to be until the end.

I always tell Honey A that admirers will always be around. I just pray that he be stricter which I really need during these days of difficulties. I know that I have earned his trust throughout the years, yet I need him to be stronger - for me at least.

The Mobile Predicament

It is exactly 4 weeks since I applied for a new line under the top mobile network company here in the Philippines. I was promised a Nokia N73 for the P2500 line. Due to my excitement, I even let go of my Nokia N70 hoping to get a new unit. After 3 weeks of waiting, I even requested for a downgrade to P1800 to get a Motorola V3x which I actually prefer. The N73 is supposed to be intended for Honey A. It was an exercise in futility to wait and follow-up every single day. I always get the same answer that "there has been no new deliveries" since the time I applied. How pity. I then emailed their customer service that they should stop having promos if they are having a hard time delivering their promise. It was then that I got back to my current network where I am a platinum member. Luckily, they are offering loyalty rewards and they'll be giving me the N73 for my Plan P1800! And the other network is giving me that at P2500?!! Hah!

I have told Honey A that I actually don't like N73 (that is, if I will be given a choice). It's almost the same as N70 though the camera has 3.2 megapixel and boy, the resolution is totally great. Camera is not a top priority because I have digicam. I was looking then for style, which I found in a Motorola Razr Phone since they were even awarded and that they issued a limited units of Dolce N Gabanna V3i Model. And who among fashion lover ladies would not want that?

Last night, I got to tinker Honey A's phone and realized that, hey, N73 is quite stylish after all. It has a sleek design and as I have told, a veeeery nice camera. And above all, there are only few people who currently possess that:)

Oody's and The Tavern on The Square

Finally I got to taste Thai Cuisine last Thursday when Honey A and I went to Greenbelt 3 for some time out. I actually did not expect that he'll take me out to dinner. I was thinking more of drinking and watching live bands that night. Since we were already in the vicinity, the most practical thing to do is to look for any Thai restaurant (as he promised long, long time ago) and we saw Oody's Thai Rice, Noodles 'N Bar at the 2nd level. Being the clueless one, I let Honey A order for both of us. I specially liked the Pad Thai Noodles though he found it sweet. We were both expecting the food to be somewhat spicy as I have strictly requested from the waiter a more "biting" taste. I guess Thai food is not as exotic as I imagined.

What I found sweet though, was how Honey A gamely took the picture of our food, not minding the group dining beside us. At least we got to prove how efficient his Nokia N73 can be when it comes to photos. I also found it so sweet how he carried my take out food outside the restaurant. It was the first time he has done that in five years of being together hehehe.

After the dinner, we moved to Tavern on the Square to have some drink and enjoy live bands. Unfortunately, it was Shamrock which was scheduled that night. Though I recognize rock songs, I still prefer mellow, jazz or pop music. We just finished the 1st set and no longer consumed the minimum rate since my ear drum could no longer tolerate the eardrum-breaking sound (you may call me an oldie if you like).

I really enjoyed that night even though it was a relatively short night out. At least I didn't wake up with a pounding head and stomach ache:)

Crown Regency Hotel

I received a call that I was one of the 15 "lucky" persons who were picked from joining their raffle during my visit to Philippine Travel Mart at SM Megamall last Friday. I couldn't remember joining any raffle though I know that I left a business card in one of the booths upon the request of a promo girl.

Apparently, it was a call from Crown Regency Hotel and they said that I won a 4-night and 3-day stay for 4 persons in either of their Davao or Cebu hotel (I chose the latter hehehe). All I have to do is claim the gift certificate personally at their Ortigas Office and bear the 30-minute presentation. I was also told that a Makati branch shall soon be opened near the Dusit Hotel. I won't have to pay anything, except the plane fare going to Cebu. I asked if there is a catch somewhere and the nice lady said that all they expect is for me to promote their hotels. Hah! Sometimes it's nice to be a marketeer amidst the pressure hehehe.

Now the problem is, whom shall I bring with me? I am not even considering Honey A. Why? He can't even bring me to Tagaytay nor Laguna for Christ's sake! My Kid? Nah! It's school season and she has to concentrate with studies. My parents? No problem if they are shouldering the plane fare, which I very well doubt. And that leaves me with the company of friends... Now whom shall I invite? Well, according to the nice lady, the offer is valid for 6 months, and that is long enough for me to think about it....:)

The Complexity of Simplicity

I already received 4 text messages from Honey A since I left the office. I chose not to reply to any of it because I find it absurd to care for a person using Short Messaging Service (SMS). Technology has its way to make life easier but when it comes to personal relationship, it then becomes very illogical. If you really care about a person, the best thing to do is to be with him/her as much as you can. No amount of technology nor machinery can beat the warmth of a touch and the sweet smell of a body. Ofcourse I can just simply reply so as not to let him worry, but then it will defeat the very purpose of a "relationship", in which I want him to understand....

My Future Artist

On my way home this evening, my kid and I played the Sitti album in my car. She came to like the Tagalong song "Para Sa Akin" as I have mentioned in a previous post. She told me that on Monday, each pupil in her Filipino class will render a talent stint where they are good at, and she chooses to sing the said song. I even downloaded the lyrics last Friday so that she can get each word right.

From Alabang to our home in Las Pinas, I think that we have repeated it 7 times and boy, she sang very well, overshadowing the voice of Sitti (i'm such a critic and a stage mother hehehe). Even her class adviser told me last week during a parent-teacher conference, that indeed, my kid J has a very fine voice. This teacher even encouraged me to let her join the school choir. But that's another story because her grades are still my priority.

And that brings me to the point that a mango tree will always bear a mango fruit:)

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

This afternoon, I had the luxury of time to watch My Super Ex-Girlfriend all by myself. I have been wanting to see it but due to its R-13 Rating, I had to wait for the perfect time when my kid would be busy to go to the mall with me.

Ofcourse it's a fantasy film belonging to the superhero genre. What fascinated me was that how the story was going to end (I tried not to read any review huh). In this age and time, women in power are slowly accepted in the society. This is best depicted in films such as this one. Even in the latest Superman film, Lois Lane transformed into the brainy reporter. It was funny how Matt Saunders (Luke Wilson) tried to dump the supergirl Jenny Johnson (Uma Thurman) and still ending in the arms of another supergirl Hannah Lewis (Anna Faris).

In the Philippine setting, male masculinity still prevails. Filipinos (based on most people I personally know) easily get turned off with powerful (or brainy) women. They still prefer "innocent" looking girls whom they can play with. And THAT, measures their manlihood!

When I was younger, there were a couple of men I have dated whom, I think, I have boosted their egos by playing dumb. I tried not to correct grammars, or a very wrong information, in my attempt to look likeable. I think I have succeeded in that part, but in the end, it was me who suffered. I didn't last any longer than a few weeks of dating and playing ignorant. I have come to realize that all I can do is be me. If I am good in Math, or eloquent in speaking, so be it. If they can't handle that, I think I deserve someone better. And that payed-off after years of searching. Nobody can fit better than my Honey A.

I may not be a Super Girlfriend, but my Super Honey A makes my life a Super Nice Place to live in:)

Sitti

This evening, Honey A handed over the CD of Sitti (Cafe Bossa) which contains her hit song Para Sa Akin (which I am currently listening while making this post). Jazz lovers will surely appreciate the Brazilian beat of bossa nova. It's so relaxing for long driving and will surely keep my mouth shut. Bossa nova is for listening and not for singing along.

Oh boy, I think I can't get enough of the songs and I can't even concentrate on this post. I better shut this off and continue when I get "better" hehehe.

Closing Doors

Just this morning, our neighbor in Ermita where my ex-hubby used to live called up. She said that my ex-J sought a favor to ask me to sign "some papers" he will be sending from the land of greener pasture. She didn't have to elaborate on that since after 8 years of living apart, everybody knows how the story is going to end. I felt indifference during the first 5 minutes of our conversation. But as I slowly analyze the situation, I came to comprehend that we, meaning my daughter and I, will be on the losing end.

On my way to pick up my kid from my parents' house, I kept on thinking on why does a relationship have to end when the only setback is the distance between two people. Doesn't love count anymore? How about when you share a kid you both wanted to have? For 8 years, I couldn't think of a single bickering that we had. Money was not an issue for I used to believe that THAT alone cannot make a relationship. We both worked: HE, to build a foundation for himself as he used to say; and ME, to sustain the beautiful child he left behind. I know that I was half to be blamed because I also lost track of time managing my work and my household.

I have always loved him, despite the pain he has given me. Even before I got the news, there was a tiny hope that maybe, just maybe, my family will be one again. He formed a great part of my youth and I couldn't be what I am now, if not for the memories he has given me. I know that he truly loved me in the past. What has happened has been beyond my control and yet I was still blessed with a daughter who has been my inspiration. I may not bear a child anymore due to health reasons, but what I have now is more than enough for me to be thankful.

As I always say, everything has a reason. God may have closed a door, but I know that He will open a window...

Still In Love With Food

While writing this post, I could still feel inside my stomach the "siopao" I ate an hour and a half ago which we bought in a gasoline station. With only 30-minute on hand given to me by Honey A infront of the computer, all I can think of is food - which I have been deprived of for soooo long.

If I could only be given a sane mind and enough time, here's the list of food I have been dying to eat (and drink):

1. Any Thai food from a genuine Thai restaurant! Yup, seems a very easy thing to do. With so many Thai restaurants around, I could just go any time and try anything. But then, I would prefer to eat with Honey A since he's the food expert between the two of us and I would not want to look ignorant when I enter unfamiliar ground.
2. Freshly brewed Kapeng Barako! I gave up coffee 6 months ago after a bout with insomnia. I crave for the taste every single day, but I easily get turned off by the thought of having to undergo the ordeal of being a zombie during the day.
3. Taba ng Talangka! Uhhhm, who could not enjoy it in a very hot cup of rice (make that double please). But then, age is taking its toll and I have to slow down with my cholesterol intake if I plan to see my grand children in the future.
4. Chocolate cakes (and more and more chocolate fudges). I was a cake lover until I became too weight conscious. Now, I just try to remember what it taste like when I feel the cravings.

Don't you just feel like eating when you read food? I do. But for now, enough of the thinking and back with Honey A. I'm nearing the 30-minute limit he has given me hehehe.

My Honey A

I have always believed that I was a low-maintenance girl. I line myself up with ordinary ones such that I end up choosing "regular" men. And then, something will always happen and I end up empty-handed in the end.

My relationship with Honey A was by far the longest I ever had. And mind you, it wasn't very easy. We have an unusual relationship, something fit for the silver screen. Lately I have been complaining that I just wanted a simple life. I started to get bored and entertain the thoughts of trying a different road. And then I realize that it has been a roller coaster ride. I have never grown wiser. As a friend puts it, it's always I who gives myself a headache. How can I not cherish the man who loves me more than anybody did? How can I not keep someone who accepts me just as I am, including my past with no pretensions? How can I not love this man who thinks of me every minute of the day?

How can I just not accept that I am not an ordinary girl who can never have an ordinary life? I have proven that first premise since way back when. It was just that little girl in me that seeks to defy what is written. Happiness can be found by counting our blessings. And sometimes I tend to ignore my blessings when I'm busy comparing what others possess.

Honey A is one of my blessings. I know that I could never find again such a gem who would love me through and through. Thank you my Honey for always being there.

The MAP

I took a Managerial Assessment Proficiency (MAP) last Wednesday and Thursday together with my counterparts in other branches. It was an evaluation on how far we are with regards to managing our job and our people. I was disappointed when I saw my overall result. At 29% overall proficiency, I fell short of my own standard. Until I heard from a co-worker that I was the top of the class. I got so damn high in Time Management, which drives me crazy since I have always been time conscious and I follow my time table, all the time.

I have always been a competitive person. But the problem lies in the fact that I compete with my own self rather with my contemporaries. I try to beat my own standard than compare my accomplishments with others. I have always been power-driven, as evidenced in my TMJ Disease (a.k.a grinding-of-teeth) which developed in my college years. The TMJ Disease manifests more on yuppies (like me) who are always stressed out even on the littliest things in life in quest of perfection.

I believe that I have slowed down a bit in the past few years. I have come to accept imperfections and have learned to embrace living. Atleast now, I don't have to count sheep just to get to sleep or rush every minute (ok ok, sometimes i still do) to get everything done.

Yesterday I got to see the movie Click starring Adam Sandler. I cried to death realizing how much the story is close to mine. Hard-driven people tend to focus on goals which are mostly worldy, and realize their mistakes when it's already too late. I don't want to reach that realization. As early as I can, I am teaching myself to go slow, and cherish each moment God has given me.

Ergo, thanks for that MAP. It has shown me where I currently stand, to know how much I need to improve to be a better person.

On Crushes

Honey A and I have been going on for 5 years now. And we had a commitment never to get attracted with other people anymore since we will be the the last persons in our lives.Tough! Does that mean that we can no longer have crushes or admire others? Honey A replied, Yes I still can, but on a case to case basis! Honey A is much, much older than me. And I respect the wisdom he has learned over the years. I take his word that he knows what he's talking about, and it's for our own good.

But then, i find it hard to supress admiration. People come in different packaging and there are times that we marvel those who have qualities we don't possess. Maybe it's easier to accept good-looking celebrities or articulate politicians. But how about a good-looking officemate who turns down flirting and yet keeps his family of 4 God-fearing? How about a hunk neighbor who comes home early, goes to the market instead of his wife and takes the kids to the park every Sunday? How about a boss who always talk about his wife and kids even on meetings? It's hard not to admire these guys because they make any woman envy their wives! Crushes are just admirations, and they cannot take you far if you know how to handle yourself. Life isn't perfect. And as long as there are imperfections, the adulation with other people will never end...

Hopeless Romanticism

For the Nth time, I got to see the movie 50 First Dates on cable before I logged on. It never failed to make me cry. Who could not wish to have somebody make you fall in love every single day of your life, and give up a long time dream at that? It always make me wonder if a situation like that could ever exist. The plot is somehow similar to that of The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. Oh boy, I couldn't let the book down and the pages were dripping wet by my tears by the time I finished it.

It so nice to dream sometimes -that someone would be willing to give his life to love you and make you happy. As they say, great love comes only once in a lifetime. And when it hits you, you should never let it go, for it will never come back again. I sound desperate huh. I also had my share of love(s). But as we grow older, things become very different. Its harder to see life like when you were younger - where its easier to smell the sweet fragrance of a flower. Now, being practical overcomes romance. The brain functions more than the heart. Then you feel empty at the end of the day, compared to the good ol' days where you experience cloud nine even if you date in a park or you use public utility vehicle just to go to a motel.

This morning, an officemate told me that I am very lucky to have a generous boyfriend who fills me up. The comment made me wonder, am I? Materially, maybe I am. But as a hopelessly romantic girl, I feel empty most of the time. Honey A is always busy with work and doesn't always have time to take me out. The last time we ate out or watched a movie was three (3) months ago! Sometimes it just pisses me off. But then, who's perfect? The best thing is that I know that he loves me and each person has his own expression of feelings (or Im just rationalizing my situation, gee!).

Until now, I miss the feeling of euphoria, the goose bumps and the sudden rush of blood on your face. For now, I'll just settle to the mushy movies:(

Finally....

How I have waited for this moment to create my own blog site and post at the serenity of my house...

I have been imagining what I was going to write since I got my laptop 4 days ago. I was so excited to press the keyboards and translate my thoughts into words. But now, the exhilaration overwhelms me and I don't even know where to start! Plus the fact that I'm quite rattled as I have my curfew at 12mn (oooh i feel like Cinderella huh) as I have promised my Honey A:(

Why Vanilla Republic then? Vanilla as we all know is the universal flavor which could go well with anything. And just like this writer who enjoys the extremes of this world, this blog may contain anything which anyone can imagine:)